My first post on here is my cochlear implant story titled, “How Many Times Do I Have To Grieve.” With my gradual hearing loss of many years, there were many times I had to face the loss as it accumulated year after year. Now I face the greatest grief of all, the death of my spouse.
Today I had to talk with a city staff person about removing a hedge on the boulevard that Paul used to maintain. It hit me hard. It is another element of the things he did that is going away. The changes and the hits keep on coming. My heart breaks over and over again as he grows further and further away.
I believe he is in heaven with God. And I trust that God has a plan for me. I pray, I listen and try my best to do His will as I believe He is guiding me. I seek solace in Him, but some days missing Paul is so great that the tears just drip from my face as I try to keep doing life.
The question is no longer, “How many times do I have to grieve?” It is continuous with the loss of my love, my best friend. The question is, “How do I manage this grief?” It is a grief complicated by post traumatic stress due to the way Paul died. I have pursued many tools that have helped on this path. Prayer, first and foremost, several different support groups, music therapy, exercise and nutrition, and the sharing of our story.
Sharing our story is part of seeking justice for Paul and the many others that died by the hands of the covid hospital protocol. It can be therapeutic to the grief process. I work with Covid Justice MN. As a group we work at getting the information to the uninformed and the deniers. We are seeking truth and to change the protocols that kill.
I know the changes will keep coming, my heart will break again and the tears will flow. I’ll turn to God. He will pick me up and I’ll take another step forward. I’ll think of Paul in heaven and know that God has us where He wants us. With God, I’ll manage this grief.
I have been wanting to change and expand the direction of this blog for quite awhile. The focus of this blog has always been about hearing, losing my hearing, gaining sound with cochlear implants and learning to hear with them. That part of my life has been a medical marvel and remains a constant in my life. Everything else has changed.
My husband Paul, of 44 years, died in a hospital on January 10, 2022. The protocols used by the hospitals to treat COVID-19 patients is what killed him. It is hard to write about, yet I feel I must. What happened to Paul and me has happened to so many others. Victims and survivors are finding each other on social media and at health and freedom events. There are many of us that can speak about the chain of events that killed our loved ones, but sadly, some of us still cannot. It has been clear, however, that listening to our stories has motivated others to come forward, and to share their own tragic experiences. You can find well over a thousand of these heartbreaking and eerily similar stories documented on The FormerFedsGroup Freedom Foundation’s COVID-19 Humanity Betrayal Memory Project ( chbmp.org.)
I was searching for support to help me with my grief and thankfully found The FormerFedsGroup Freedom Foundation (FFFF). When I learned about their COVID-19 Humanity Betrayal Memory Project, it helped me process and deal with my loss. They encouraged me to talk about what happened to Paul and to record my experience to preserve the evidence of what happened and to memorialize Paul. FFFF also offers support groups every day of the week including women’s group, men’s group, PTSD support, art therapy and many others. All these groups are online so that anyone can join regardless of where they live. This was the kind of support that I desperately needed and could not find with other groups because so many people are unaware that the COVID-19 hospital protocol was really the cause of their loved ones’ deaths. These protocols consist of using deadly experimental drugs that hospitals are financially incentivized to use. It was because of my participation with FFFF, a local group, Covid Justice MN, reached out to me. This group is fighting for justice on behalf of the COVID-19 hospital protocol victims in Minnesota, and I am grateful to be a part of this group of warriors.
This sound unbelievable? Well, it has happened countless times and still happens to this day. Listen for yourselves on chbmp.org. The government and Big Pharma have turned hospitals into killing factories. Medicine has been corrupted and is not geared towards helping patients. It is profit over patients. Big Pharma does not make cures, they make customers. We must help people wake up and realize this or it will get worse, and more people will die at the hands of these greedy corporations and corrupt bureaucrats. The American people have been gaslit and lied to by our government, the mainstream media and even Hollywood. We have been fed a bunch of dangerous propaganda and the people responsible must be held accountable.
I speak the truth, but many do not want to hear or want to believe it, it is too hard to accept. The FormerFedsGroup Freedom Foundation has identified 25 commonalities that appear in almost every story. The cruelties in the hospitals include not being fed or given water, isolated, neglected and restrained. Horrific treatment of innocent people so they can collect a big check when that person succumbs to the treatment. The 25 commonalities can be found at: https://chbmp.org/commonalities.
My love, my best friend, is in heaven now and that has changed everything for me. At first, I was numb and in shock, but as the shock and numbness wore off, the pain and grief increased. I became aware of what really happened to Paul. Half of me is gone and my life will never be the same. Thankfully, I have support now and I am doing my best to work through my grief. I rely on Jesus and reach out to the many others that have been through the same trauma. God is educating me, moving me, and showing me a part of myself I never imagined. I will follow Him, and I will obey Him. As long as I am here, I will continue to seek the truth and share the truth of what happened to Paul and so many other lives taken too soon.
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6
2 Bionic Ears 