Category: What I Hear

It’s Tone, Not Words

On By Glenice SIn Assistance Dog, Can-Do-Canines, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Assistance Dog, What I HearLeave a comment

One of the things that has changed over the years with my hearing is my speech. I lost my hearing gradually over about 30 years. My mother and pediatrician  suspected I had hearing loss when I was a child and it was a confirmed diagnosis when I was in my teens. As a young adult the suspicion that it was a progressive loss was determined to be the case. So, in the formative years, I had almost normal hearing and good speech reflecting what I heard. With the progressive loss, I didn’t always know what sounds I was missing. It was the same with my speech. I didn’t realize that my enunciation was changing as I could not hear the consonants I was neglecting to form when I talked. 

My speech changed and no one told me until after I got my cochlear implant. Prior to getting my cochlear implant, my speech was becoming muddled as I was told by my family members. They did not bring that to my attention when it was happening. Had they told me, I probably would have stopped talking. 

After getting my first cochlear implant, my speech began to improve. I was able to distinguish between consonant sounds, hear my own voice and therefore recovered enunciation and clarity when I talked. I had the words.

What goes with clear words to make good speech? Intonation. With my cochlear implants I can hear intonation but I hadn’t necessarily applied it to my own manner of speaking. This was brought to my attention when I was training with Yates, my Can-Do-Canines hearing assistance dog. I could say, “Good boy,” but I didn’t add enough cheerfulness and enthusiasm. This was noted by my coaches. They encouraged me to add that to my intonation when rewarding Yates for his proper responses and good behavior. Dogs hear and respond to tone and this is clearly reflected in Yates body language. I can see the difference.

When I speak to Yates with cheerfulness in my voice I can hold his attention. When I add excitement his tail wags harder and he comes in close for a back scratch. Sometimes he needs redirection and the word, “No,” is not effective. Instead I was coached to say, “Anh Anh,” with a tone that is kind of sharp and irritating. This sound usually works. 

I have come to realize that my manner of speaking is more monotone than I thought. So I have worked at adding intonation when I talk to Yates that is compelling to him. This involves lifting my voice into a range I’m not use to hearing from myself. It is fun to see his reaction when I apply more cheerfulness to my speech. He will look at me with bright eyes and interest while sometimes wagging his tail and tilting his head.  The cuteness of those looks is a joy to behold!

Whispers

On By Glenice SIn Activities, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Hearing Loss, T-mic, Theater, What I HearLeave a comment

StreetCar250sqThe Little Theatre of Owatonna is playing “A Streetcar Named Desire.” I have been volunteering on the costume team. A couple of the actors have quick changes that we are helping with and changing areas have been setup backstage. Backstage is dark and quiet. We use flashlights to see costumes and props. If we need to communicate, it is done in  whispers.

I was struggling to hear my co-costumers in the dark. Due to my hearing loss, I have become accustomed to facing a person and looking at them when they are talking to me. Although I feel that the hearing I have with my cochlear implants is pretty great, whispering in the dark is a challenge.

At the dress rehearsal as we were figuring out how we wanted to help the actors and where we needed to be, I found myself in a pitch black corner. I heard co-costumer, Norma, whisper to me but had no idea what she said. She whispered louder. I still didn’t get it. On Norma’s third try, I finally got that she was telling me the corner was too small for two and she was going to go to stage left. While I stood in the corner waiting for the next move, I wondered to myself, “How am I going to communicate back here?”

Later that evening, Norma and I were working together behind the scenes stage left. The area was dark, but not so black you couldn’t see anything; however, reading lips was not an option. Norma whispered something to me and I happened to lean in allowing her to whisper right next to my left side processor T-mic microphone. Wallah! I was able to understand her whispers.

It was always hard for me to understand whispers. I choose the word “understand” because I could hear the hushed sounds of a whisper, but I could not comprehend the words being said.

In the history of testing people’s hearing, whispering was used as a tool for assessment. My very first Ear, Nose and Throat doctor that I saw for a hearing assessment tested me with whispering. In the exam room, he stood in the corner, facing away from me and whispered numbers. I was to repeat the numbers back to him. I was sitting on the exam table and my mother was sitting nearby in a chair.  When I looked at her during this test, her expression told me that I was not getting the numbers right. At the moment she realized I was looking at her, she forced a a smile.

For many years I avoided situations where I would need to communicate in the dark or with whispers. If someone did try to communicate with me via whispers, they would often get the fake out response – a smile and a nod, or if I could see their face, a reflection of the emotion I thought I was seeing in them.

cropped-earheart Now I hear with my bionic ears and I’m conquering my hearing fears. Whisper to me – on the left side – into my T-mic microphone.

A Punch of Reality

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Deaf, Hearing Environment, Hearing Loss, HOH, Thoughts, What I Hear1 Comment

A Few Minutes of Bad, A Lifetime of Good

I don’t hear all the time. When I do hear, when my cochlear implant processors are on, I hear quite well. In fact, I think I do so well that my deafness is forgotten by me as well as others. This can lead to a long stretch of some pretty comfortable living. Routines develop, communication patterns are set and we live our lives – and then something will happen that serves as a reminder of what is.

My nights are silent. The very first part of my day is silent. After my hair is dry and styled I put on my processors and the hearing part of my day begins. Once in a while, something or somebody needs my attention before I’m ready to hear. When this happens I get a big dose of in your face reminder that “I am deaf.”

This morning after my shower but before I had dried my hair, my husband popped his head in and handed me my phone. I had some texts that I read, but they were not the messages he needed me to see. He motioned for me to put my processors on and I reminded him my hair was wet. I could see he was frustrated as he quickly left the room. I said, “Fine,” and headed to my nightstand to put an ear on. Before I got it connected he came back with a hastily scribbled note telling me my daughter would call in about ten minutes. He was anxious to get back to the office. I was left feeling like I had just been punched.

I was reminded of something Rush Limbaugh said when he was finally ready to talk about his hearing loss and cochlear implants. He said, “You know, losing your hearing, having a hearing loss, that’s the only disability that makes people mad at you. People don’t get mad at people that can’t see. They don’t get mad at people that can’t walk. They don’t get mad at people that can’t taste or smell anything. But you get mad at people that can’t hear cause you can’t relate to it. You think if the person would just listen better, or pay more attention, that they’d be able to hear. And it doesn’t work that way. When you can’t hear, you can’t hear.” I remember when I read this transcript the first time. First, I was thrilled that Rush Limbaugh was finally sharing his experience and second, he absolutely nailed it with his observation of others showing anger/frustration with a deaf/HOH person.

I see more than what I believe a lot of people realize. From a lifetime of experience compensating for hearing loss, I read body language like I read a book and I don’t miss much. I could “see” my husbands frustration. I allowed his reaction to affect me and I was feeling bad; however, through self-talk I moved myself to a better place. I didn’t want to start my day in a negative mental state. I thought, “I have been here so many times before, I can pull myself from this place.”

I started thinking through my catalog of positives. One of the greatest positives is that I’m am married to a really caring and loving man. So we had a few minutes of bad this morning, but we have had a lifetime of loving and supporting each other. More times than I can count, he carried us through when my hearing loss created hurdles for me and I didn’t always have the tools or the energy to get over them. For example, handling all the phone calls during the years when I couldn’t successfully use the phone with strangers.

No, it is not the last time I will feel the punch of my reality, but the amount of time I allow negative feelings as a reaction to something or somebody is shrinking. Perusing positive thoughts and having had the opportunity to share my feelings I am back on track to feeling good. I’m getting better and faster at replacing the punched-in-the-gut feeling with happiness and peace and I am grateful, so grateful that these tools can be learned.

Jury Duty

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, fm loop, Hearing Environment, jury duty, Listening, looped room, T-coil, T-mic, What I Hear1 Comment

gavel-2-1236453-1599x1063In November of 2015 I received notice that I was being called to jury duty starting December 1st. I was surprised to receive this notification because I thought my name had been removed from the rolls. About twenty years ago, when I was a hearing aid user and relied on lip reading to communicate, my doctor had written a letter for me describing my hearing loss to give the courts that would excuse me from jury duty. Even though I wore hearing aids, I could not understand what was being said without the visual cues of lip reading. Hearing aids delivered more sound, but did nothing to aid with comprehension and understanding of speech. Since getting cochlear implants, all of that has changed dramatically.

I have had my cochlear implants for many years now and function as well as most hearing people in my generation. Upon reading the letter calling me to jury duty, I felt kind of excited at the thought of being able to perform my civic duty just like everyone else. Instead of assuming I couldn’t do this because of my bionic hearing, I decided to call the jury hotline and tell them my issue and see what they had to say. The court informed me that they had special headsets to assist with hearing. This made me feel more comfortable knowing they do all they can to assist with hearing issues. I have used headsets over my behind the ear processors that look like a hearing aid and that has a microphone right in front of the ear canal. I thought that if I had trouble hearing I could try the headset option. I decided I did not need to get another letter to be excused. I could do this (maybe).

The first time I had to go down to the courthouse, I asked the court administrator if the court room was looped. A loop system would provide me with the best hearing option available to me. Looping brings the sound from a sound system directly to any hearing aid or cochlear implant processor that has a telecoil. The sound from these systems is great and can be likened to a hearing person wearing earbuds or a headset for listening. Unfortunately she said it was not. I have participated in some testing of areas looped for the hearing impaired as well as attending a conference in a looped convention hall. I hope someday all courtrooms will be looped. To learn more about looping, click here.

It was not until the very last week of my three months of jury service that I actually made it into the court room. In the court room I found that I could hear pretty well. I began to relax as I discovered that I could hear as well if not better than one of the lawyers. There were microphones in front of the judge and lawyers as well as the witnesses and when people spoke into them properly I could hear quite well. I also discovered that some adjustments made with myPilot (remote control) to my hearing processors gave me the volume I needed and softened the background noise that comes from high ceiling echoes and air systems. Even though I watched the proceedings intently, I definitely heard and understood speech without lip reading. During closing arguments there were times when I deliberately looked down and just listened to what counsel was saying. Sometimes body language is more distracting from, than contributing to, the communication.

I did it! I sat on a jury and heard a criminal case with fellow citizens. Each time I am able to do something that I couldn’t do before cochlear implants, I am thrilled. I smile to myself and feel internal joy. Should I be summoned for duty again, it feels great to know that I can be a juror.

My Aqua Case

On By Glenice SIn Activities, Advance Bionics, Aqua Case, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Naida, What I Hear2 Comments

My Aqua Case kit arrived at he cabin at the beginning of the week of our vacation. There were so many activities to participate in that I didn’t rush to put it together and hurry into the water. I wanted to read all the instructions, charge the new battery and make sure that I did everything just right. A couple of days passed before I was ready to sit down with the system, put it together and try it out.

We had great weather. The lake was a nice swimming temperature and the kids were doing water activities every day. It was time to get out there and join them. Setting up my stronger left ear with aqua mic and my Naida safely enclosed in the Aqua Case, I clipped it to my swim suit and headed for a kayak. I don’t know why – but I was feeling a little apprehensive about actually swimming and getting my head wet.

Family lake activities

After being on the water in a kayak or floating on a blow up chair, I finally found the courage to go all in. Taking a few breast strokes off the sand bar,  I put my head under water and heard the bubbles. I hadn’t heard water like that for a very long time. It was great to have sound while enjoying a favorite family activity.

With the fear of falling into the water removed and being able to hear coaching and instruction from others, I got out on the paddle board and finally mastered it. Last year I didn’t like it, but that had more to do with having to go out in silence.

Glenice on Stand Up Paddle Board wearing Aqua Case

There is peace in being able to hear the ripples of the water while passing the paddle through it. There is comfort in knowing I will be able to hear oncoming boats. And there is joy in hearing the laughter and giggles of my family swimming in the lake. Thank you Advanced Bionics for developing the Aqua Case.

Splash!

On By Glenice SIn Advance Bionics, Aqua Case, Cochlear Implant, Naida, What I HearLeave a comment

In preparation for my summer activities, I ordered an Aqua Case for my cochlear implants in April. Advanced Bionics took my order and began the process system which includes submitting an approval request to my health insurance on the chance that part or all of the waterproof system might be covered.  I hadn’t heard anything from them, so today I called. The order has been held up in the insurance process. Since I had the money for the Aqua Case set aside I had them send one out so I have it before my vacation.

I have visions of swimming with my grandsons and enjoying the sounds of their laughter and squeals as we play in the water. It will be more fun to go out in the Kayak and have no fear of getting my hearing system wet and the thought of mastering our paddle board and being able to hear the water ripple or an oncoming boat is enticing.

Normally I am pretty patient and wait on the process. This time, the thought of going into the silence when I don’t have to was too much and I decided to push forward.

I love hearing all of the time. Even when a sound is irritating and I have the ability to remove my sound system, I don’t, because it reminds me of how deaf I am. Completely. This reminder often brings me to sadness. There are cochlear implant users that appreciate the ability to go into the silence – I’m just not one of those.

I’m excited for my Aqua Case! There will be water sounds, laughter, splashing and joy! I will be able to hear at least in one ear the sounds that bring smiles to others’ faces which I previously viewed from silence. Splish Splash!

Mic, Mic, T-Mic

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Naida, T-mic, What I HearLeave a comment

The T-mic on one of my Naida processors was cutting out and while waiting for a new one to be delivered I used one of my programs that has either only processor mic or only headpiece mic. I have used the T-mic since it first came out and have had rare occasions when I needed to use one of the other microphones. I was surprised to discover again what a difference the location of the microphone makes.

With the proper fit, the T-mic sits right in front of the ear canal using the natural shape of the ear to capture sound. The processor mic is on the top of the Naida processor placing it at the top of the ear, close to the head. The headpiece mic is in the headpiece so the microphone will be wherever the headpiece location is on each individual. In my case it is above my ears about one inch.

I am bilateral, so I only had to adjust programs on one side to use a different microphone and therefore was also listening to find the best balance with T-mic working on one side and processor or headpiece mic on the other. Spending a couple of days without one T-mic and traveling I really discovered how each microphone affects the delivery of sound.

First I tried my program with the processor mic. Immediately I noticed that the sound lacked the definition I am used to. It seemed muffled and it felt like I was not getting as much sound. I then switched to my headpiece mic and was much more satisfied. I quickly adjusted to having the headpiece mic on one side and keeping the working T-mic on the other.

Being able to experience these changes in the real world versus the audiologists office where the environmental noise is limited gave me the opportunity to assess and really discover what a difference the location of the microphone makes. It is comforting to know that the headpiece mic will serve me well if and when a T-mic goes out and needs replacing.  Hearing the differences, I was also reminded that there is an optimal position for a microphone and that is in front of the ear canal.

Within two days my new T-mic was delivered. I quickly installed it and was relieved to have the sound back that I am used to. These couple of days served as a reminder to me how lucky I am to have this wonderful technology to give me optimal sound plus backup options when needed.

Fantasy Versus Reality

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Thoughts, What I HearLeave a comment

Maybe it is a matter of life experience.

I just saw on Facebook a picture of a man that had the image of a cochlear implant headpiece and processor tattooed on his head in support of his daughter that has a cochlear implant. Further down in the thread someone mentioned they knew a mother that had an image of an insulin pump tattooed on herself in support of her son that has diabetes. Another support item I have seen come across Facebook is the posts about Mattel making a bald Barbie for children suffering from cancer and have lost their hair as they go through treatment.

Our daughters were little girls when the Cabbage Patch dolls were the rage. During that time our middle daughter, Paula, needed to get glasses in order to see the blackboard at school. She was not thrilled about having to wear glasses and being the stoic child that she was, she did not show a lot of emotion regarding this development. Cabbage Patch dolls came with unique accessories and of course they had one with glasses. I thought it would be cool and make her feel better about having to wear eyeglasses if we got her a doll with spectacles. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Eventually Paula was able to tell me that she was disappointed when she opened up her doll and saw that it had glasses. She really did not want to be reminded of her eyewear every time she looked at her doll. She wanted a cute doll; a dream doll. When I thought about what she said I understood and wished I had realized that play time is often a time when we are acting out what we hope for.

I grew up with Barbies. I loved my Barbie doll and it was not detrimental to me that she had perfect hair and make-up or that she had an impossible to achieve figure. When I played with my girlfriends and dressed up my Barbie doll, it was play time, fantasy and dreams. Escape from reality. Don’t we all need time for that?

I wear bilateral cochlear implants. I hear so well with them that there are days when I forget that I am deaf! Do you know what a good feeling that was to actually get to a spot in time where I was able to stop, reflect and realized I just had such a good time in my life that I actually forgot about being deaf? Then there is the reality that hits at the end of each day when I take my processors off and I’m thrown into total silence. Forgetting is a temporary and welcome relief.

When I see these displays of support, or requests for a toymaker to develop a doll that reflects the trauma of illness, I ask myself, “Is this really good?” It might be for some, but not in my experience. I worry that children that need a break from their life won’t be able to get it. We don’t always need to be looking into a mirror of reality. Sometimes we need some fantasy and dreams where we might develop some hope.

Naida Accessories

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Harmony, Hearing Environment, Listening, Mapping, Naida, T-mic, What I HearLeave a comment
I have always been so thrilled with the hearing I get from my cochlear implants that I never really concerned myself with little extras or accessories that I did not have. My Harmony behind the ear processors served me well for many years without a remote control or any other add-ons. But now that I have them …
The Naida replacement systems that I received in March came with some options. Since I am bilateral, I ordered the MyPilot remote control with one and the ComPilot with the other. I didn’t think I would use them much but since one or the other came with the kit, then why not? 
Although there are buttons on the Naida processors for changing maps and volume, I have found that I do really like using the MyPilot for adjustments and program changes. Along with the visual screen that allows me to see where I am, there are more options for adjustments with the MyPilot. One of my favorites is the sensitivity setting. When I was first implanted and used the Clarion Platinum body processor for the CII implant, I had sensitivity control. I gave that up to wear behind the ear processors that did not have a switch for that. It is really nice to have that back. I found it really helped me to adjust to a new map on my right ear that seemed a little loud at first, but by adjusting the sensitivity for a day or two, I was able to adjust to the map by giving my ear/brain time to get used to having more sound.
As a Harmony user I loved the T-mic and the ability to just pick up a phone and hold it to my ear like everyone else. I also found ways to listen to music that did not require me to change settings or use the direct connect to enjoy listening to my favorite songs. So I was a real skeptic when it came to the ComPilot thinking I probably wouldn’t use that much at all. 
About a week after getting my Naidas, I decided it was time to check out the ComPilot. Following the instructions provided, I first hooked it up to the Bluetooth on my laptop computer. Wow – the direct sound coming from my computer was great and I was curious to hear more. I then hooked it up to the Bluetooth on my iPhone 4 and tried a phone call to my mother. The only background noise I heard was coming from my mother’s end of the conversation. This was wonderful for cutting back on the “what’s, pardon me’s, and please say again,” parts of the conversation. Finally, I hooked it up to my Nano Shuffle to check out listening to the music I would play when carving my Trikke. I love this. I have to say it is wonderful to be out on the trail, carving and listening to my music just like other people out there wearing their earbuds and headphones as they walk, jog, bike or run. I have never been big on needing to fit in, but by golly this just felt really great! I was so wrong about the ComPilot. I use it all the time and really love it.
There is one more accessory that I am really excited about. The Naida waterproofing kit for swimming! It has not yet been approved in the USA, but is coming soon and I am excited for the release. Living in Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes, I believe this is another accessory I may use a lot. Being able to hear while swimming with my grandsons would truly be a joy. 
Naida Accessories – Now that I have them – don’t want to live without them!

I’m Not So Tough

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Loss, Mapping, Thoughts, What I HearLeave a comment

I thought I was tough. Turns out – when it comes to my hearing – I’m not so tough. The thought of being without sound for even one day brings tears. Wouldn’t you think after losing my hearing little by little over 30 years I would be able to bear a day or two? Not so. 

Sunday night I noticed that my left processor kept cutting out. I discovered that the wire on my headpiece had a crack in it. It had been my practice to always have a backup on hand, but I discovered that I had forgotten to order a backup. Because I had a meeting on Tuesday that was important to me, I felt a little panic. 

Getting creative, I decided to charge up the batteries to my body processor which I had not worn in a very, very long time. The flashing light told me the processor was getting power yet I had no sound. Switching through the programs I finally got something on the last one. It then dawned on me that all but one of my programs was set on 100% T-mic and the body processor does not have a T-mic, therefore no sound. Settling on the one program that did work, I wore my body processor on the left side and a BTE with a poorly working headpiece on the right. This would get me through Monday and I would immediately order new headpieces. I knew I probably wouldn’t get them before my meeting on Tuesday, but with prayer and tape, I managed to wear both my Harmony processors and get through the meeting and that day.

Wednesday I started watching for a Federal Express delivery. When nothing came by 4:30 pm my husband, Paul, encouraged me to call customer service again and ask about my order. To my shock and dismay, the order had been put on hold due to new regulations and probably some confusion about my immediate need. As the customer service person was explaining equipment changes, the new procedures and how long it could take, I was overcome with emotion. I gave the phone to Paul, my rock. I am so blessed to have a husband who has been willing to come to my rescue and give me rest, or let me cry.

The customer service representative and insurance assistant stayed with us on the phone figuring out how to make sure I have sound as soon as possible. Replacement headpieces should be here by Friday and the order process for Naida has been initiated. With the new parts on their way, I have rallied and have much to look forward to as the Naida has some great new features I am excited to try. Still – I am not as tough as I thought – and I will never be without backup parts again!