Category: Thoughts

It’s Time

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Covidjusticemn, Freedom Foundation, grief, Hospital Protocol, Medical Freedom, Thoughts, TraumaLeave a comment

I have been wanting to change and expand the direction of this blog for quite awhile. The focus of this blog has always been about hearing, losing my hearing, gaining sound with cochlear implants and learning to hear with them. That part of my life has been a medical marvel and remains a constant in my life. Everything else has changed.

My husband Paul, of 44 years, died in a hospital on January 10, 2022. The protocols used by the hospitals to treat COVID-19 patients is what killed him. It is hard to write about, yet I feel I must. What happened to Paul and me has happened to so many others. Victims and survivors are finding each other on social media and at health and freedom events. There are many of us that can speak about the chain of events that killed our loved ones, but sadly, some of us still cannot. It has been clear, however, that listening to our stories has motivated others to come forward, and to share their own tragic experiences. You can find well over a thousand of these heartbreaking and eerily similar stories documented on The FormerFedsGroup Freedom Foundation’s COVID-19 Humanity Betrayal Memory Project ( chbmp.org.)

I was searching for support to help me with my grief and thankfully found The FormerFedsGroup Freedom Foundation (FFFF). When I learned about their COVID-19 Humanity Betrayal Memory Project, it helped me process and deal with my loss. They encouraged me to talk about what happened to Paul and to record my experience to preserve the evidence of what happened and to memorialize Paul. FFFF also offers support groups every day of the week including women’s group, men’s group, PTSD support, art therapy and many others.  All these groups are online so that anyone can join regardless of where they live. This was the kind of support that I desperately needed and could not find with other groups because so many people are unaware that the COVID-19 hospital protocol was really the cause of their loved ones’ deaths. These protocols consist of using deadly experimental drugs that hospitals are financially incentivized to use. It was because of my participation with FFFF, a local group, Covid Justice MN, reached out to me. This group is fighting for justice on behalf of the COVID-19 hospital protocol victims in Minnesota, and I am grateful to be a part of this group of warriors. 

This sound unbelievable? Well, it has happened countless times and still happens to this day. Listen for yourselves on chbmp.org. The government and Big Pharma have turned hospitals into killing factories. Medicine has been corrupted and is not geared towards helping patients. It is profit over patients. Big Pharma does not make cures, they make customers. We must help people wake up and realize this or it will get worse, and more people will die at the hands of these greedy corporations and corrupt bureaucrats. The American people have been gaslit and lied to by our government, the mainstream media and even Hollywood. We have been fed a bunch of dangerous propaganda and the people responsible must be held accountable. 

I speak the truth, but many do not want to hear or want to believe it, it is too hard to accept. The FormerFedsGroup Freedom Foundation has identified 25 commonalities that appear in almost every story. The cruelties in the hospitals include not being fed or given water, isolated, neglected and restrained. Horrific treatment of innocent people so they can collect a big check when that person succumbs to the treatment. The 25 commonalities can be found at: https://chbmp.org/commonalities. 

My love, my best friend, is in heaven now and that has changed everything for me. At first, I was numb and in shock, but as the shock and numbness wore off, the pain and grief increased. I became aware of what really happened to Paul. Half of me is gone and my life will never be the same. Thankfully, I have support now and I am doing my best to work through my grief. I rely on Jesus and reach out to the many others that have been through the same trauma. God is educating me, moving me, and showing me a part of myself I never imagined. I will follow Him, and I will obey Him. As long as I am here, I will continue to seek the truth and share the truth of what happened to Paul and so many other lives taken too soon. 

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

A Punch of Reality

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Deaf, Hearing Environment, Hearing Loss, HOH, Thoughts, What I Hear1 Comment

A Few Minutes of Bad, A Lifetime of Good

I don’t hear all the time. When I do hear, when my cochlear implant processors are on, I hear quite well. In fact, I think I do so well that my deafness is forgotten by me as well as others. This can lead to a long stretch of some pretty comfortable living. Routines develop, communication patterns are set and we live our lives – and then something will happen that serves as a reminder of what is.

My nights are silent. The very first part of my day is silent. After my hair is dry and styled I put on my processors and the hearing part of my day begins. Once in a while, something or somebody needs my attention before I’m ready to hear. When this happens I get a big dose of in your face reminder that “I am deaf.”

This morning after my shower but before I had dried my hair, my husband popped his head in and handed me my phone. I had some texts that I read, but they were not the messages he needed me to see. He motioned for me to put my processors on and I reminded him my hair was wet. I could see he was frustrated as he quickly left the room. I said, “Fine,” and headed to my nightstand to put an ear on. Before I got it connected he came back with a hastily scribbled note telling me my daughter would call in about ten minutes. He was anxious to get back to the office. I was left feeling like I had just been punched.

I was reminded of something Rush Limbaugh said when he was finally ready to talk about his hearing loss and cochlear implants. He said, “You know, losing your hearing, having a hearing loss, that’s the only disability that makes people mad at you. People don’t get mad at people that can’t see. They don’t get mad at people that can’t walk. They don’t get mad at people that can’t taste or smell anything. But you get mad at people that can’t hear cause you can’t relate to it. You think if the person would just listen better, or pay more attention, that they’d be able to hear. And it doesn’t work that way. When you can’t hear, you can’t hear.” I remember when I read this transcript the first time. First, I was thrilled that Rush Limbaugh was finally sharing his experience and second, he absolutely nailed it with his observation of others showing anger/frustration with a deaf/HOH person.

I see more than what I believe a lot of people realize. From a lifetime of experience compensating for hearing loss, I read body language like I read a book and I don’t miss much. I could “see” my husbands frustration. I allowed his reaction to affect me and I was feeling bad; however, through self-talk I moved myself to a better place. I didn’t want to start my day in a negative mental state. I thought, “I have been here so many times before, I can pull myself from this place.”

I started thinking through my catalog of positives. One of the greatest positives is that I’m am married to a really caring and loving man. So we had a few minutes of bad this morning, but we have had a lifetime of loving and supporting each other. More times than I can count, he carried us through when my hearing loss created hurdles for me and I didn’t always have the tools or the energy to get over them. For example, handling all the phone calls during the years when I couldn’t successfully use the phone with strangers.

No, it is not the last time I will feel the punch of my reality, but the amount of time I allow negative feelings as a reaction to something or somebody is shrinking. Perusing positive thoughts and having had the opportunity to share my feelings I am back on track to feeling good. I’m getting better and faster at replacing the punched-in-the-gut feeling with happiness and peace and I am grateful, so grateful that these tools can be learned.

Fantasy Versus Reality

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Thoughts, What I HearLeave a comment

Maybe it is a matter of life experience.

I just saw on Facebook a picture of a man that had the image of a cochlear implant headpiece and processor tattooed on his head in support of his daughter that has a cochlear implant. Further down in the thread someone mentioned they knew a mother that had an image of an insulin pump tattooed on herself in support of her son that has diabetes. Another support item I have seen come across Facebook is the posts about Mattel making a bald Barbie for children suffering from cancer and have lost their hair as they go through treatment.

Our daughters were little girls when the Cabbage Patch dolls were the rage. During that time our middle daughter, Paula, needed to get glasses in order to see the blackboard at school. She was not thrilled about having to wear glasses and being the stoic child that she was, she did not show a lot of emotion regarding this development. Cabbage Patch dolls came with unique accessories and of course they had one with glasses. I thought it would be cool and make her feel better about having to wear eyeglasses if we got her a doll with spectacles. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Eventually Paula was able to tell me that she was disappointed when she opened up her doll and saw that it had glasses. She really did not want to be reminded of her eyewear every time she looked at her doll. She wanted a cute doll; a dream doll. When I thought about what she said I understood and wished I had realized that play time is often a time when we are acting out what we hope for.

I grew up with Barbies. I loved my Barbie doll and it was not detrimental to me that she had perfect hair and make-up or that she had an impossible to achieve figure. When I played with my girlfriends and dressed up my Barbie doll, it was play time, fantasy and dreams. Escape from reality. Don’t we all need time for that?

I wear bilateral cochlear implants. I hear so well with them that there are days when I forget that I am deaf! Do you know what a good feeling that was to actually get to a spot in time where I was able to stop, reflect and realized I just had such a good time in my life that I actually forgot about being deaf? Then there is the reality that hits at the end of each day when I take my processors off and I’m thrown into total silence. Forgetting is a temporary and welcome relief.

When I see these displays of support, or requests for a toymaker to develop a doll that reflects the trauma of illness, I ask myself, “Is this really good?” It might be for some, but not in my experience. I worry that children that need a break from their life won’t be able to get it. We don’t always need to be looking into a mirror of reality. Sometimes we need some fantasy and dreams where we might develop some hope.

I’m Not So Tough

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Loss, Mapping, Thoughts, What I HearLeave a comment

I thought I was tough. Turns out – when it comes to my hearing – I’m not so tough. The thought of being without sound for even one day brings tears. Wouldn’t you think after losing my hearing little by little over 30 years I would be able to bear a day or two? Not so. 

Sunday night I noticed that my left processor kept cutting out. I discovered that the wire on my headpiece had a crack in it. It had been my practice to always have a backup on hand, but I discovered that I had forgotten to order a backup. Because I had a meeting on Tuesday that was important to me, I felt a little panic. 

Getting creative, I decided to charge up the batteries to my body processor which I had not worn in a very, very long time. The flashing light told me the processor was getting power yet I had no sound. Switching through the programs I finally got something on the last one. It then dawned on me that all but one of my programs was set on 100% T-mic and the body processor does not have a T-mic, therefore no sound. Settling on the one program that did work, I wore my body processor on the left side and a BTE with a poorly working headpiece on the right. This would get me through Monday and I would immediately order new headpieces. I knew I probably wouldn’t get them before my meeting on Tuesday, but with prayer and tape, I managed to wear both my Harmony processors and get through the meeting and that day.

Wednesday I started watching for a Federal Express delivery. When nothing came by 4:30 pm my husband, Paul, encouraged me to call customer service again and ask about my order. To my shock and dismay, the order had been put on hold due to new regulations and probably some confusion about my immediate need. As the customer service person was explaining equipment changes, the new procedures and how long it could take, I was overcome with emotion. I gave the phone to Paul, my rock. I am so blessed to have a husband who has been willing to come to my rescue and give me rest, or let me cry.

The customer service representative and insurance assistant stayed with us on the phone figuring out how to make sure I have sound as soon as possible. Replacement headpieces should be here by Friday and the order process for Naida has been initiated. With the new parts on their way, I have rallied and have much to look forward to as the Naida has some great new features I am excited to try. Still – I am not as tough as I thought – and I will never be without backup parts again!

Grandma’s Toy Box

On By Glenice SIn Hearing Environment, Listening, Thoughts, What I Hear1 Comment

Sometimes it takes me awhile to pick up after the grandkids leave. I think I like the feeling of them being here for awhile after they have left. Since the vacuuming needed to be done, I finally got around to picking up the few toys that were left out. Tossing them into the toy bin, I heard the electronic banjo chime a tune. These toys shut off automatically, so I just walked away to another chore. 
In the next room I was sorting through linens when I heard the banjo playing notes again. It has been a few years since the first time my toy box for the grandkids made noise, but I do remember that first time! We have a goofy looking rolling toy that giggles. For some reason that toy started giggling while it was just sitting in the toy box. I was sitting in my favorite chair folding clothes late in the evening when this happened. Scared the dickens out of me! I was so shook, it didn’t take me long to dig to the bottom of the toy box and pull that thing out. I had to make sure that was the culprit of that eery laughing sound. When the banjo went off again, I was pretty calm, having been through this before.
I continued to pick up around the room when the banjo went off again. Okay, I thought, this one needs to be turned off. I went over to the toy bin, pulled out the banjo and slid the switch to off. Thank goodness it has an off switch. While I was doing that, I heard Mickey Mouse announce himself. Oh boy! When pulling out the banjo, I had activated the Mickey Mouse guitar. Okay, I decided to shut that one off too – only it doesn’t have an off switch. I have to trust it. 
Believe it or not – while writing this, the toys in the toy box actually shifted. The noise practically made me jump out of my chair! I’m beginning to wonder what the toys do when I’m not here. Grandma’s toy box – a different Toy Story.

Getting off the Roller Coaster

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Hearing Loss, ThoughtsLeave a comment

Something wonderful happens to people after they have had their cochlear implants for a while. They get on with life!


As a late-deafened adult and cochlear implant recipient, I know the emotional roller coaster of losing one’s hearing; the life and relationship issues that go with that; and finally the high of getting sound back. Definitely “emotional roller coaster” is the right descriptive phrase.


Have you ever ridden a roller coaster? What can you do when you are riding one? About all you can do is ride. You might talk with the person next to you, laugh, or yell, or scream, but you won’t be composing a report or holding a meeting.


As my hearing loss progressed, I participated in life less and less. I quit going to movies, parties or anything that involved a large noisy group or a large room that might echo sound. I stopped using the phone and pretty much limited my communication to family and close friends. Anything beyond that was intimidating, like standing up in a roller coaster. If I had to be on this ride, then I was going to stay seated in my little box and hang on so I felt safe. I might look at the scenery once in a while, but it was easier not to.


I like the feeling of getting off a roller coaster. That first step of putting solid ground under your feet feels so reassuring. I love looking around and being able to walk away and put some distance between me and a ride that I don’t like.


With my cochlear implants, I can get off the ride. I’ve got the ground under my feet again. I can walk away and join the world for the day and I don’t have to get back on until the sun is down and the roller coaster sleeps.


It is fun though, especially when you don’t like a ride, to go on the ride with friends. I attended my first Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA) convention this year in June. It was a wonderful experience and the first time I really enjoyed the ride, the hearing loss roller coaster. When we get on the roller coaster together, we hug, we smile, we share the ride and we laugh!


I have noticed that many of the friends I have made through my blog, the Bionic Ear Association, the HLAA and the online forum, Hearing Journey, are getting off the roller coaster and walking away. They have other things to do and lives to live. What a wonderful thing this is!


A Book Review – "Wired for Sound"

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Hearing Loss, Thoughts5 Comments

I recently finished reading Wired for Sound: a journey into hearing by Beverly Biderman. Beverly writes about her personal experiences as a person with severe to profound hearing loss who chooses to pursue receiving a cochlear implant when it becomes available to her. An excellent author, she also writes beyond her own experience and eloquently shares information about deaf issues as well as technical issues regarding hearing with cochlear implants. Some of the technical information is becoming outdated as this book was written over ten years ago, but as a history of the development of cochlear implants most of the information still applies. This is a very good book that covers a lot of territory regarding deafness and regaining sound. I recommend this book for anyone contemplating getting a cochlear implant.

Fast Talkers

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Hearing Loss, Listening, Thoughts, What I Hear8 Comments

I know that I’m fortunate that I am a cochlear implant user that can use the phone and is no longer afraid to answer it. I really do as well as most hearing people. Today I spoke with a person that spoke so fast I don’t know how anybody could understand her.


Really fast talking should be against the law. These people should be cited and fined for saying more than eight syllables per second and should not be allowed to work a business phone if they talk so fast you think they may be speaking in a different language.


When I could not understand the name of the company she was calling from, I felt like I was having flashbacks to the days when I started giving up on communicating on the phone. She wanted my business ID number, so I figured it was an employee of one of my clients and I had to make sure I knew who I was talking to before I gave out this sensitive information.


I gave in to something I now do only when I have to and told her I hear with cochlear implants and that I needed her to slow down. “Okay,” she said and then she said the name of her company again – and I missed it. Unh. I hate this. She explained what form she needed filled out and I got that. Did I have a fax number she could send it to? “Yes, I do,” I said and then I asked her again to tell me what company she was calling from. Out it came and I could practically see it speed past my ears and out of reach before I could make out what it was. Aaaaahhhhh! I was getting really frustrated, but I tried to keep a smile on my face and calmly asked her again to tell me the name of her company. Swish, there it went and I had to ask her again. I took a breath and politely told her I missed it again, could she please say it one more time and then I focused and hoped I would catch it this time. She said it again and slowed it down just enough that I got the first two words and I said, “Oh! it’s ____ _____ _____. Thank You.” What a relief.


This is the stuff that wears on my confidence. Fortunately there was quite a bit of the conversation that I did get, so I know that it wasn’t all me. Sometimes I wonder, can they really listen and hear as fast as they can talk?


Ski Boots

On By Glenice SIn Activities, Listening, Thoughts, What I Hear4 Comments



It was a lot of fun skiing last Wednesday. The temperatures were great, not too cold or too warm so you weren’t sweating in your ski gear.


I hadn’t been skiing since the spring of 2008 when Paul and I were at Whistler. Also, I hadn’t used my own gear for several years choosing instead to rent when traveling a long ways and flying. Since my gear hadn’t seen a lot of time on the slopes, I figured it would be fine to use it at this local ski site.


When getting ready for our ski outing, Jana tried on her ski boots and discovered that they were too small. She decided to rent boots. When we got to Welch Village, Jana and I suited up and grabbed our gear, me with my boots, skis and poles and Jana with just her skis and poles.


We trudged up to the ski racks, leaving our skis and poles and then headed for the ticket window to purchase lift tickets and Jana’s rental boots. Jana discovered it was an all or nothing proposition with the rental of equipment. She had to get skis and poles too, as they would not adjust her skis to their boots. We decided that she would go get her rentals and I would take her skis and poles back to the car while she was getting set up.


I grabbed Jana’s skis and poles from the ski rack and headed back towards the parking lot. About six steps after leaving Jana, I heard a loud crack. While trying to figure out what made the noise, I glanced ahead of me and saw a weird shaped piece of white plastic skitter to a stop about ten feet in front of me. “Oh! My!” I said as I realized it was the toe of my right ski boot! Change of plans I thought as I picked up the toe of my boot and then promptly turned around to go tell Jana that I would be renting too.


She was just about to start filling out the form at the counter. I called her name and she turned around to look. Holding up the toe of my boot, I said, “Jana, I’m renting too!” She came over to see what had happened. We laughed a little and then decided we would both go back to the car to regroup.


About three steps outside of the rental building, the other boot started to crack up. Not wanting to leave any pieces of sharp plastic laying around, I stooped to pick up the chips as they fell. We turned the corner and walked a few more steps when the left toe went flying out in front of us. I began to wonder if I would have anything left on my feet when we found the car. Then the giggles started and every few steps I took, more of my boots fell off! We walked one aisle too far. As I was walking back between the cars, finally with my car in sight, the bottom fell out of my left foot. Feeling like I had nothing but stockings on my feet, we were finally there. I peeled off the remains of my ski boots. After the laughter, we made a new plan and headed back to the ticket office for a rental package.


Beautiful Blogger Award

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Hearing Loss, Listening, Thoughts5 Comments

Beautiful Blogger Award & Nominations!


Speak Up Librarian nominated me for this award and I am honored. Thank you Speak Up Librarian.


Now here’s my job:
The rules:
1) Thank the person who nominated me for this award.
2) Copy the award & place it on my blog.
3) Link to the person who nominated me for this award.
4) Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself.
5) Nominate 7 bloggers.
6) Post links to the 7 blogs I nominate.

Okay, here we go. I may be repeating some nominations, but it can’t be helped.
(1) Speak Up Librarian – It is always a joy to read her reviews of books or television shows, check out her pictures and share her thoughts about the challenges of being hearing impaired.
(2) Mog Renewed – Has shared her journey from choosing to get a cochlear implant, waiting for the day and now discovering the sound it brings her. She punctuates this with delightful pictures and ancedotes.
(3) Jelly – You know you will get cupcakes, but the variety is a constant surprise!
(4) My CI is Amazing – A friend that I met on another forum, she shares her experience and offers her caring support to others with the same hearing challenges.
(5) Laura’s Medical Journey – Another brave woman facing challenges with a great attitude and sense of humor.
(6) Surround Sound – A cochlear implant user and busy Mom that shares her hearing experiences and supports others in their hearing journeys.
(7) Elliott’s Journey – Ellliott’s mom does a great job of sharing their journey as her adorable son learns and lives life with his cochlear implants.

“Tell us 7 interesting things about yourself”

Interesting, hhmmm, is that one of those things that’s in the eyes of the beholder?

(1) I was a Brownie, then a Girl Scout and finally a Cadet.
(2) I sang in the church and school choirs until my last year in high school when I failed to make the Concert Choir.
(3) I wanted to be a Wave in the Navy, but by the age of 18 my hearing loss had progressed to the point where I couldn’t pass the physical.
(4) I had a motorcycle when I was 19.
(5) After a van hit me when I was driving my motorcycle, I traded it in for a Fiat X19 (2 seater sports car) – I loved that car!
(6) From the time I started thinking I would be a mother someday, I always knew I would have three girls. I just knew.
(7) The man I married was my kindergarten sweetheart. He kissed me at the drinking fountain and I told the teacher!