Category: Music

Dancing Through the Tears 

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Deaf, Hearing Aids, Hearing Loss, Music1 Comment

I have always preserved music in my memory, especially the music I loved before hearing loss made it impossible to learn new songs. Lately I have been playing more music from the early years when I still had most of my hearing. One of those songs has been stuck in my head for the last few days. I haven’t been able to shut it off. The song is, “When Will I See You Again?” by the Three Degrees. 

It’s Christmas time, and I have been prepping for a house full of family on Christmas Eve. Along with the music that keeps playing in my head while I clean, I have been missing my husband, Paul. He died on January 10, 2022. Like the words in the song, I’ve been wondering when will I see him again. The song plays over and over in my head. 

While working in the kitchen, with that song playing in my head, and remembering Paul, a memory of my wonderful husband of 44 years bubbled to the surface of my thoughts. I remember it was Christmastime and earlier that month I had seen my hearing doctor. At the time I had been wearing hearing aids for a few years. At the appointment with my doctor, it was determined that I needed stronger hearing aids, and the deterioration of my hearing did not appear to be slowing down. 

On an evening when I was getting ready for Christmas celebrations doing chores in the kitchen, Paul and his brother started bringing big boxes into the house. Paul wanted to surprise me with a top-of-the-line Bose stereo system. He wanted to give me the gift of music for however much longer I had to hear it. We were raising three daughters, and my first thought was, “Can we afford this?” But that, the budget, isn’t what mattered to Paul. It was a beautiful gift of love. 

That stereo provided great surround sound for many years. When I could, I played it loud and danced through my household chores. Eventually, the lack of hearing made it impossible for me to understand the words of a song. Finally, before I received my first cochlear implant, the only music I enjoyed from the stereo was “Mannheim Steamroller Christmas.” For some reason that style of sound reached me through my deafness, and I’m sure stirred my memory bank of songs enough for me to enjoy it. 

I have had bilateral cochlear implants now for many years. When I got my first implant, the goal was to learn to hear speech and relieve the work of lip reading. I did rehabilitation exercises to learn to hear again and to be able to hear on the phone. After I mastered the phone, I wanted music again. Listening to songs from my good hearing days, sometimes over and over, brought the enjoyment of music back to me. Paul was there for me, every step of the way, always supportive. He would be so happy for me and the hearing system I have now. My latest cochlear implant processors have Bluetooth. When I play music on my phone, it goes directly to my hearing system, and I hear it like I did before deafness. When I’m missing ‘Paul my own’ and remembering us through the years, I’ll put on some music and find myself dancing through the tears.

Edit, Start Dication

On By Glenice SIn Activities, Advance Bionics, Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Loss, Music, SpeechLeave a comment

The first time someone told me they could hear something different in my speech was when I was 20 and on my first date with my husband, Paul. I had just told him about my hearing loss diagnosis. I was a little taken aback as I had not thought about the affect hearing loss might have on how I talked. He never brought it up again until after I had my cochlear implants for awhile. Now, if my speech changes, Paul says I need to go to the audiologist and get my cochlear implants adjusted. Apparently the first letter that goes is “S”. That is why sometimes when people ask me my last name they think my response is Wenson!

There was one other time the subject of speech came up, but with my mother. I was a hearing aid user at the time and it was obvious that there was a limit to how much they aided me. I had stopped singing in church because I could not hear myself well enough to know if I had the right notes. I shared this frustration with my mother. She thought about it for a moment and then asked me to make her a promise. She said, “Even if you lose all your hearing, promise me you will never stop talking.” I paused for a moment before I answered her. Knowing myself, the perfectionist that I am, I wasn’t sure I could keep that promise but I made it anyway. Deep inside I knew that if I felt that I was not speaking well I would stop talking.

My speech did change. I did not realize it was happening and my family never said anything to me. I adjusted to my hearing loss with increased lip reading skills but that did not help me with my speech. It was only after I got my cochlear implants that my family admitted my speech had shifted with my hearing loss. They had to share the truth as they were telling me how much it had improved with the better hearing I was getting from my bionic ears.

Recently, just after Christmas,  I decided to try enjoying an activity that I loved when I was a kid. I went to the local arena with my daughter to go ice-skating. It had been many years since I’d been on ice skates but I was feeling pretty confident that I could pick it up again. Unfortunately I fell and broke my left wrist.

editstartdictationAs a web developer and a blogger I spend a lot of time on the computer. I am a fast typist with both hands working. Now what was I to do? I knew that I had dictation in text messaging on my iPhone. I decided to take a look around on my MacBook Pro and found that I have dictation there also. I continued to look for it in the apps that I use regularly and discovered that dictation appears under the edit menu in everything I use. With dictation I was able to get long text messages written out so that all I have to do is proof, correct, then copy and paste to where I need it. It has come in handy during my time of recovery.

I also discovered another beneficial use for dictation on my computer. Practicing elocution! As I have been using dictation for about a month now I am able to see when I drop a consonant or do not say a word clearly. The dictation on my Mac computer is quite accurate. If I am speaking clearly it often gets whole sentences right.

Not only did my cochlear implants give me back the gift of hearing, they kept me talking and if I know the song that is being sung in church I sing-along. I haven’t tried singing to the dictation yet. Hmm, I’ll give it a shot – such as feelings coming over me there is one most everything nine see not a cloud in the sky got this and I won’t be surprised disagree – guess what song that is? It is a good thing that dictation doesn’t record tune. Maybe I’ll open up GarageBand and see what I can do with that. Love my bionic ears and love my Mac!

Making a Come Back

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Hearing Loss, Jesus Christ Superstar, Music, Theater, What I Hear2 Comments

While at a holiday party this past winter, I found out that our local theater was planning to do the stage show “Jesus Christ Superstar.” I had seen this show before my hearing loss was diagnosed progressive and when I still had almost normal hearing. It is one of my favorite musicals. 

When my daughters were in marching band I did a lot of volunteer sewing for the color-guard. I was missing the sewing and creating that goes into putting together a show so I decided to volunteer to help with costuming LTO’s (Little Theater of Owatonna) production of “Jesus Christ Superstar.”  About a month ago we got started on the process and I have been going to the theater a couple nights a week. I’m sewing costumes for five of the characters. 

This evening I happened to be walking into the theater on my way to the costuming room when the cast was singing the “Hosannah” song. I stopped to listen and was completely drawn in. It was beautiful. I sat down and ended up staying for quite awhile as they continued to run the scene. 

Although I have had my cochlear implants for quite a few years, giving me a fair share of CI moments (as we cochlear implant users call them), this was another CI moment  in a couple of ways. First, hearing the voices raised in song as they carried through the theater was awesome. You see, the last time I attended a production in that theater, my youngest daughter was playing a major role in “The Crucible” and my hearing was so bad that I had to read the script before going to see her perform. I had stopped going to plays there because I couldn’t get the dialogue on my own. Being able to hear and understand songs in this theater that I stopped going to many years ago felt almost unbelievable.

The second moment is a little different in nature as it goes beyond hearing. I lost my hearing gradually over 30 years and little by little I gave up activities and relationships in my life as I became uncomfortable with my inability to hear. It was easier to shrink my world than it was to battle the challenges of communication I faced every day. I looked around the theater at the people noting friends from many years ago and the new friends I’m making and realized that I am no longer minimizing my world. I’m growing it, jumping in, and just like the stage production of “Jesus Christ Superstar,” I’m making a come back. 


Subtle changes…mean a lot to me.

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Environment, Listening, Mapping, Music, What I Hear2 Comments

In my previous post, I wrote about my recent mapping and the fact that it had been almost two years since my last mapping. There I described some of the changes that were made and used the terms; some gains, and small adjustments. In day to day hearing, subtle changes to a map might not be that notable, but today I had the chance to listen to a CD while in the car for about 50 minutes. The difference in the music was enough to choke me up. In the sound of music the changes were very notable. 
I was listening to Styx Live. This CD is different from a studio recording. Some of the songs are longer and they talk in between sets. I used to skip around if the song was too long and I couldn’t always hear what they were saying when they talked because of the crowd noise. The music and talking sounded so good today, I didn’t want to miss a thing. 
It will be a joy listening to my music collection. There are all kinds of new sounds there! This motivates me to continue to reach for perfect bionic hearing. Though it may be in small steps – every gain counts. I know the perfect bionic ear is coming. If not in my lifetime, maybe yours.

Silver Wings

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Listening, Music1 Comment

While driving home from work today, I was listening to a CD that I put together a couple of years ago with a variety of songs on it. About ten minutes into my 40 minute commute, I heard what seemed like wind or a whistle in my car. I remember thinking, “Oh great, my car is making a new sound.” As I focused and tried to figure out what was making this new sound, I came to realize it was in the music! I muted the CD player and it went away, so I turned it back on and listened. I played the song again and really listened. Is it a piccolo or strings? I listened again – I think it is strings! It is a whole orchestra and I can hear the strings! I have been looking on YouTube trying to find the version of the song I was listening to, but I’m not finding it. The song is “The Ballad of the Green Beret.” I am hearing the soft start up of the strings when they begin the crescendo at the words “silver wings.”

I have had my implants 9 years on the left and 3 years on the right and I am still experiencing improvement! I have been procrastinating about scheduling a mapping thinking there hasn’t been enough change to warrant an appointment with my audiologist, but now I’m thinking otherwise.

One of my earliest memories of really knowing that there were things I could not hear was in 9th grade typing class. I never did hear a typewriter bell. How I ever got through that class with a B, I will never know. As I was enjoying hearing more of a song I have liked probably since I was in 9th grade, I was thinking that my cochlear implants give me such wonderful hearing it just might be possible to hear better than normal someday.

Trusting My Ears

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Hearing Loss, Listening, Music, What I Hear4 Comments

We had our piano tuned in November. When the girls come home, they enjoy playing some of their favorite songs as well as Christmas music and complain if the piano hasn’t been tuned, so this year I did manage to get the tuning scheduled and done.


While trimming the Christmas tree, I started thinking about the Christmas concert at the high school and the tradition they have carried out for many years of singing “Beautiful Savior” to close the concert. They invite choir alumni on stage to sing this hymn with the present choir and then the audience is invited to join in for the final verse.


I was never a soloist, but I participated in choir at high school and church through my junior year. Now with my cochlear implants, I have been trying to listen to my own voice and get the confidence back to sing. Since the piano had recently been tuned, I decided to pick out the melody of “Beautiful Savior” and try matching my voice to the notes. My thoughts were, “My piano is in tune, my hearing is great with my cochlear implants, this should work.”


As I picked my way through the first verse, I felt I was doing pretty good at matching my voice to the notes, but it sounded a bit off. I stopped singing and played the melody one note at a time and one spot sounded off to me, so I played the top two notes at a time, still off. Because I was unsure if I could trust my digital ears to be an accurate judge of whether or not a piano is in tune, I asked my husband when he came home to listen to the notes I was playing and tell me what he thought. To my surprise he said, “Yep, that one note sounds like it could be a little off.”


I emailed our piano tuner and he said he would come back and check it out. Our piano was Paul’s mother’s and is quite old. This piano has not been tuned regularly in the past ten years so it is not unusual for the tuning not to hold. The piano tuner came back, made some adjustments and now it sounds as good as the old piano can.


I have known for a while now that I would prefer a new digital piano and someday I hope to have one. From this old piano I learned that my new hearing is pretty awesome and I can trust what I think I hear. I remember the notes and how they are suppose to sound and my brain sings in tune. Now if my ears and my brain and my voice would all work together – maybe I could be that soloist I have always wanted to be. (*Dream*)

Pots and Pans Band

On By Glenice SIn Cochlear Implant, Hearing Loss, Listening, Music, Poetry, What I Hear4 Comments
We opened up our lake cabin Mother’s Day weekend. My daughter, son-in-law and two grandsons surprised us with a last minute decision to join us for the weekend. It was really great and we had a good time.

It was especially nice for Paul to have some help putting in the dock and the grandson’s desire to go for a boat ride was a great motivator to get the boats in the water and running. It was a wonderful start to what I hope will be a sunny and warm summer.

This first weekend though was a bit cool and kept the boys inside more. We don’t keep a lot of toys at the cabin, so it didn’t take long for the boys to start looking for new interests. I decided to pull out an old standby. The pots and pans band! I never would have done this when I was a hearing aid wearer. Hearing aids amplified the sound in such a way that some things were uncomfortable. The sound with my cochlear implants is so comfortably natural that I didn’t give the idea of the boys pounding away on pots and pans a second thought.

My daughter was a little puzzled when I said, “Isn’t it interesting how the different shapes of pans make such different sounds.” I reminded her there was a time when some sounds were all the same to me.


With wooden spoons in hand
The little boys tapped a pot then a pan
To their own rhythmless beat they did drum
Not yet a tune anyone could hum
But the joy of two boys and their make believe band playing the kitchen pots and pans!

Stunning – Susan Boyle

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Music3 Comments

I have watched this YouTube piece several times now and I just can’t seem to get enough. Like Piers says, this woman’s performance of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables is stunning. As Amanada said, it truly is a privilege to hear that , and the faces that Simon makes are priceless. He is fun to watch when he is impressed.

It is such an incredible joy to be able to “hear” a performance like that. To be able to hear the pureness of each note, the accent and the dynamics she put into her presentation. Watching the YouTube piece left me wanting more and I will definitely be watching for more from Susan Boyle.

It also left me feeling, once again, very grateful for my bionic ear; for the advances that have been made in inventions and medicine that allow me to hear with this amazing quality. All I have to do to know the alternative is take off my processors and there I am in the silence. What a relief and a blessing that I don’t have to live the rest of my life in that place.

The title links to a closed captioned version of Susan Boyle’s performance so you don’t have to miss the dialogue. The button to turn on the closed captioning is the arrow pointing up in the lower right hand corner of the video window. If you decide to take a look, I hope you enjoy the performance as much as I did.

Spring Song

On By Glenice SIn Bilateral, Cochlear Implant, Music, What I Hear3 Comments
I started spring cleaning yesterday. It is not warm enough to open the windows yet, so I was working in my closed up house dusting out window sills when I heard his song. The male cardinal singing to his girl. It is such a beautiful song and I could hear it through the window. Wow – I could hear it through the window with my bionic ears.

We have a pair of cardinals that seem to come back here each spring. Last year I almost succeeded in getting a good picture of the male and this year I plan to. He is beautiful with his bright red feathers. His girl is a little harder to spot. With nature’s natural protection for the mother of the offspring, she has browner feathers and blends in with the trees. I love watching these two flit around our yard and even better, I love that I can hear them. 

With the joyful sounds, come the annoying sounds and when I hear the squawking of the blackbird, I smile to myself and think, “Ah, yes, I must hear him too.” And I remember when I couldn’t hear him at all and I thank God for the blackbird’s call.

It seems that I write about hearing birds a lot. With my hearing loss starting in the high frequencies, they were one of the first sounds that I lost, so I didn’t hear them for over 20 years. It wasn’t something that I dwelled on or thought a lot about, but since I have gotten that hearing back, I simply cannot take it for granted and continue to be amazed.

It is finally spring and with it comes nature’s choir. Sometimes it is the hard rock of a blackbird’s squawk, or the simple twitter of a sparrow, or the beautiful song of a bright red cardinal singing to his girl.

Poems

On By Glenice SIn Hearing Loss, Music, Poetry6 Comments

Our local newspaper is starting to publish poetry, so I decided to look at some of my poems to see if I had anything that I want to send in. I realized that I had a couple that I had not posted on my blog that relate to hearing loss, so I thought I would post them.

What Will Be The Music?

In the early morning
When the sun is rising high
I can’t hear the birds sing
at that beautiful blue sky.

And when the leaves are falling softly
and settling on the ground
In the autumn of my life
I cannot hear the sound.

But my eyes take in the colors
and the beauty of the birds
And I search my mind for the memories
of everything I’ve heard.

For what will be the music
in the silence of my life?
Is it the soaring of the bird
in its beautiful soft flight?

Do The Birds Still Sing?

Do the birds still sing?
I cannot tell.
Do telephones ring?
I don’t hear the bell.
Do children sing?
I know they yell.

The sound is fading
and I’m not old.
Why does it go?
Nobody knows.
In the silence
what will I find?
A flower blooms
in quiet time.
Find the flower
for me to see,
Blooming quietly.

God help me
I am so scared.
I’m afraid I’ll forget
what I have heard.
In the silence will I know,
all the music I love so?
The voices of my caring friends,
will this all come to a silent end?