I have watched this YouTube piece several times now and I just can’t seem to get enough. Like Piers says, this woman’s performance of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables is stunning. As Amanada said, it truly is a privilege to hear that , and the faces that Simon makes are priceless. He is fun to watch when he is impressed.
It is such an incredible joy to be able to “hear” a performance like that. To be able to hear the pureness of each note, the accent and the dynamics she put into her presentation. Watching the YouTube piece left me wanting more and I will definitely be watching for more from Susan Boyle.
It also left me feeling, once again, very grateful for my bionic ear; for the advances that have been made in inventions and medicine that allow me to hear with this amazing quality. All I have to do to know the alternative is take off my processors and there I am in the silence. What a relief and a blessing that I don’t have to live the rest of my life in that place.
The title links to a closed captioned version of Susan Boyle’s performance so you don’t have to miss the dialogue. The button to turn on the closed captioning is the arrow pointing up in the lower right hand corner of the video window. If you decide to take a look, I hope you enjoy the performance as much as I did.
Category: Cochlear Implant
Spring Song
I started spring cleaning yesterday. It is not warm enough to open the windows yet, so I was working in my closed up house dusting out window sills when I heard his song. The male cardinal singing to his girl. It is such a beautiful song and I could hear it through the window. Wow – I could hear it through the window with my bionic ears.
We have a pair of cardinals that seem to come back here each spring. Last year I almost succeeded in getting a good picture of the male and this year I plan to. He is beautiful with his bright red feathers. His girl is a little harder to spot. With nature’s natural protection for the mother of the offspring, she has browner feathers and blends in with the trees. I love watching these two flit around our yard and even better, I love that I can hear them.
With the joyful sounds, come the annoying sounds and when I hear the squawking of the blackbird, I smile to myself and think, “Ah, yes, I must hear him too.” And I remember when I couldn’t hear him at all and I thank God for the blackbird’s call.
It seems that I write about hearing birds a lot. With my hearing loss starting in the high frequencies, they were one of the first sounds that I lost, so I didn’t hear them for over 20 years. It wasn’t something that I dwelled on or thought a lot about, but since I have gotten that hearing back, I simply cannot take it for granted and continue to be amazed.
It is finally spring and with it comes nature’s choir. Sometimes it is the hard rock of a blackbird’s squawk, or the simple twitter of a sparrow, or the beautiful song of a bright red cardinal singing to his girl.
Mentors
Smiles and laughter, voices strong
A room full of friends with a common bond
Relationships growing, new and old
Lives changing from quiet to bold
Brought together in life
Because of stories we share
Paying it forward because we care
A new hand needs holding
A tear has been shed
We reach out and answer
To concerns we have read
Comfort our goal and hope we bring
To the pain and sadness the voices ring
We know the hardships
And we have come through
So we offer our knowledge to those that are new
Raising each other
To new heights we soar
Because when you give
You get back even more
Yesterday I returned from a weekend training session for Bionic Ear Association mentors. It was held at the Advanced Bionics offices in Valencia, CA. Cochlear implant recipients along with parents of children with cochlear implants were brought together to learn more: about AB’s implants; the numbers of people with profound to severe hearing loss; and how we can educate and help others with hearing issues.
The weekend carried a lot of impact, touching me in many ways. There was the impact of meeting people in person that I had only met through the internet. It took a lot of hugging to get caught up! Then there was the impact of making new connections, all of them strong. In the trainings, the impact of the up-to-date statistics regarding hearing loss was eye-opening and being given tools to share more effectively was exciting. Visiting the plant where the cochlear implants are made had an impact all its own. I haven’t yet discovered a word to describe how it felt to be where they built the devices that allow me to hear.
It was a wonderful opportunity and I am grateful for the people I met and all that I learned. Now I hope to put old and new knowledge to good use mentoring others with hearing loss.
Not a Minute Too Soon
I can hear the ticking of the clock on the wall
I can hear your footsteps as you walk down the hall
I can hear the laughter of the children in their room
The sounds of life came back to me not a minute too soon
My sadness overwhelmed me as my ears began to die
I often asked the Lord, if He could tell me why
But then He showed me there was hope up ahead
And to a hearing miracle my heart and life were led
I sat alone in silence for a period of time
The Lord, He said to me, “There is no reason why
But the lessons you will learn, and the things that you will know
Will settle in your mind and make your heart grow”
So I waited for the Lord to show me the way
I trusted He would take me where my heart was meant to stay
He walked me from the silence and back to the sound
And here I am again, my life is being found
I can hear the ticking of the clock on the wall
I can hear your footsteps as you walk down the hall
I can hear the laughter of the children in their room
The sounds of life came back to me not a minute too soon
Bird Talk
First, an update, my mother is doing well and statistics regarding sudden hearing loss seem to be in her favor. I think she is bothered more by the tinnitus than the loss of hearing as it is probably more noticeable. The tinnitus she is experiencing is intermittent and before I left, she seemed to think it was getting better and that maybe a little of her hearing had come back. She sees her doctor for a recheck in a few days. She also contacted a friend with hearing loss and asked about her experience. It turns out that it is similar to what my mom is going through. I’m glad she has someone to talk to as my hearing loss experience is very different from a sudden loss.
My sister went with me to visit our parents and I picked her up as it was on the way from where I live. In the past, I would have handed her the keys and asked her to drive so we could visit. Before my cochlear implants, I would do that so I could read lips, which is difficult to do when you are keeping your eyes on the road, so I would often ask whomever I was with to drive. After my first cochlear implant, which is on my left side, I would be arranging people so I could hear them easier or using a nifty little remote microphone that I would have pinned to my sister’s clothing and then plugged it into my behind the ear (BTE) piece so I could hear her. Those were adjustments I needed to make before being bilateral. Wow – being bilateral. I drove, we talked, no problems. 
I had one other CI moment that was fun. The weather was warming and we had a spring like day, so my sister, my mother and I walked over to a nearby mall. While we were there, we stopped in a pet store to look at the puppies. As I was oohing and aahing over the cute little animals, I could hear birds chirping behind me. I turned around to see a beautiful yellow cockatiel singing to me. I puckered up and gave it a whistle back and he returned his song, so I whistled again. We were going back and forth like that and I was thoroughly enjoying being able to hear him and hear myself whistle back, when I glanced over my shoulder and noticed my mother watching us and smiling. Not too long ago, my mother shared with me that she is still amazed at what my bionic ears do for me. I love that she was able to witness that moment and share the joy.
How Would You Know, My Feelings Didn’t Show
Stoic: accepting pains or hardships calmly or without complaint; not feeling or showing emotion.
I wrote a poem called “How Could You Not Know?” that came from my feelings regarding my hearing loss and music, particularly at family gatherings. I grew up in a musical family and until I was 17 I sang in choirs at church and school. It was at that point that my hearing loss became noticeable and affected what I could hear of my own voice while singing with a group, so I stopped singing in choir and group situations.
Often at family gatherings after the meal, family members that played guitar or violin would take out their instruments and begin playing and singing. Because of my hearing loss, I never attempted to join in and over time it became increasingly difficult to enjoy listening to the music. I suppose at first I was frustrated for the reason that I felt I couldn’t participate because of my impaired hearing. And there was jealousy of those who could and did. Later, when I had hearing aids it stopped sounding good, so it became my habit to simply slip away into some corner, visit with somebody who didn’t care about the music, and ignore the entertainment.
After I wrote the poem, “How Could You Not Know?” I printed a copy and sent it with a letter to my parents. When my mother and I talked about it, I was a bit taken aback when she said, “I didn’t know music was that important to you.” In my surprise, I did not respond, but simply changed the subject. I felt a little hurt, she is my mother – how could she not know?
I decided to give my feelings some time and thought. Later that day, I found I was seriously looking for an answer to that question. How was it that my mother did not know how I felt? And I realized I didn’t tell her. I didn’t show my feelings to her or very many others for that matter. I had been stoic where my hearing loss was concerned.
I denied my hearing loss in other ways as well and put on a rather good show. If someone told a joke and I missed the punch line, I often laughed when everyone else laughed instead of admitting that I didn’t hear it. I smiled and nodded and mimicked their emotion and I got away with it most of the time. What else could I do? I couldn’t run around being sad and angry all the time. And nobody wants to be the downer at a good party.
When you have experienced bringing a happy group down, you stop doing what it was that you did. You stop participating in group games where missing an answer might lose one for the team and simply excuse yourself to refill your drink or get another snack. If you can’t participate or share in the happy fellowship, you slip away quietly to a corner or go home. Happy gatherings are not the place where you show your hardships. So how would anybody know how I felt if I was masking my emotions with a ready smile – being stoic?
I used to tell my girls when they were growing up, “If you don’t tell me what is wrong, I can’t find a way to help.” Sometimes it is hard to tell, hard to find a way. Or you think, why talk about it, they can’t do anything anyway. What would it have mattered if my family knew how hard it was for me to watch them enjoying their music? I certainly didn’t want them to stop. I didn’t want to take away their joy, so I was stoic.
All of that is fading into the past now as I enjoy listening to music again with my cochlear implants. I’m still having a hard time joining in with the family music. It feels like I’m expected to listen and enjoy when my heart really wants to sing, but I don’t yet have the confidence that I can match my voice with the notes. I missed out for so many years, it’s not like I can jump right in.
Writing poetry is my music.
It makes it so I can let my feelings show
It picks me up when I’m feeling low
It makes my world feel alright
It comforts me at night
It releases me from an emotional hold
It allows me to lighten that load
It makes my world happy and bright
It brings me sunshine and moonlight
It puts some things away for me
It allows me freedom to see
It releases me from all that’s past
It moves me on, I’m free at last.
Found Sound
It was a beautiful day and I decided to take advantage of it and go for walk. I grabbed my camera with the hope of getting some good pictures and headed towards a park with a waterfall. Unfortunately, when I got to the park, the light was too low for anything special and the waterfall was not running yet.
All was not lost. Although the pictures I did take aren’t very good, the memory of that walk will
stay with me always. I’ll tell you why. Just before I got to the park, I heard the beautiful whistle of a bird – a bird call that I had not singled out before. I could hear birds with one implant, but with two there is a finer quality allowing me to distinguish different birds. Even more awesome than hearing the bird, I automatically turned to where I thought the sound was coming from to see the bird, and there it was right in my line of vision. It was automatic and I turned in the right direction. I’m still having a hard time believing it. I took a picture of the bird, but before I could get a good focus, it flew away.
Feeling just wonderful and wishing there were more birds to hear, I continued to the park. Even though the waterfall had no water and the sun was getting low I took a few pictures anyway and then headed home.
As I emerged from the park, I heard a beautiful tinkling in the breeze and once again I turned toward the sound. I was thrilled to see a chime hanging on the back of the house I was looking at because now I knew for sure I had direction. And I was hearing a
chime!
Birds, chimes – it amazes me. My hearing loss started in the high tones and birds were one of the first sounds I lost. To have these sounds back, the sounds that have been gone the longest (more than 25 years), is fabulous, amazing, awesome, great. Being able to locate the sound is frosting on the cake!!!
Do we really mean to say "congratulations"?
Do we really mean to say “congratulations” to someone who has just qualified for a cochlear implant? I don’t mean any offense to the people that say this, because I know the spirit it which the “congratulations” are given, but I do want to talk about this for a bit.
I remember when I qualified and the first person that congratulated me. She was someone I worked with and she new this was something I was hoping for – but it did not feel right to be congratulated. I arrived to the point of qualifying for a cochlear implant with very mixed emotions and a large part was sadness. My hearing was so far gone this was my only hope and the last resort.
Whenever I see someone congratulating another for qualifying, I cringe a little bit. I will wish them well and I will pray for them and send them positive thoughts as they pursue better hearing and sound, but I can’t bring myself to say “congratulations.” After all, getting to this point was a loss of the hearing they may have had or never had at all.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive and maybe it is okay when someone who has a cochlear implant congratulates someone that qualifies. It is like saying, “Welcome to the community.” For myself, that is what I will say, “Welcome to the community. I wish you well as you pursue better hearing.”
My Hearing Loss
Recently on Hearing Journey, one of the moderators asked participants to post to the question, “How did you lose your hearing?” My original article about my hearing loss is titled “How Many Times Do I Have To Grieve?” and is the first post on this blog. I felt it is too long to post on Hearing Journey. I have written about my loss several times and decided to do something different this time. Below is the poem I wrote:
My Hearing Loss
Although it was suspected, when I was just a girl,
It wasn’t checked until later, how much I could hear.
At the Junior High School, when I was a young teen,
Machines were brought for testing and a mass screening.
One day they called a list of names, over the intercom,
It was a mix of boys and girls, and not real long.
We gathered with the counselor, to each of us he spoke,
Asking if we knew, our hearing might be broke.
Because I didn’t know, it had to be told,
He gave me a letter, for my parents to hold.
I put it in my math book, and walked home slow,
I was carrying news, that made me feel low.
My mother said to me, “What took you so long?”
I handed her the letter, feeling like a Blue’s song.
She read it very carefully, then she made a plan,
She called the local clinic, and I would see a man.
He looked into my ears and throat, and whispered across the room,
Sent me for hearing tests, I could feel the gloom.
He said I had a hearing loss, but would it stay the same?
Only time would tell, this was not a game.
The school years passed, and I did my best,
Sitting at the front of class, studying for the tests.
Then it was time to check, my hearing once again,
I had plans for my life, and I was ready to begin.
I went to see the son of the man, young Dr. Young,
And what he had to tell me, really stung.
Your hearing is going, there is more gone,
We can’t help you, and we don’t know how long.
I want to enlist – my country I want to serve!
He said, “They won’t take you, because of your hearing nerve.”
Now what do I do, what jobs can I take?
He said, “Stay away from loud noises, for your hearing’s sake.”
So I worked for the city, putting tickets on cars,
And I thought, this won’t take me very far.
Then I met my husband, my wonder, my love,
We married and had children, gifts from above.
I could still hear the babies, when they cried in the night,
But not the birds that sang, before they took flight.
New doctors gave me hope, with a hearing aid, then two,
So I could hear my children, as they grew.
Then one day, my hearing was so small,
I thought that my eyes, would have to do it all.
But something came along, it was kind of new,
And the doctor said, “Maybe this will work for you.”
You will have to have surgery, go under the knife,
But if you are willing, it could change your life.
I said, “I want to do this, I really want to hear.”
And the surgery was scheduled, that very year.
There were several implants, companies had made,
The doctor said, “Pick one, before your surgery day.”
So I read and I studied, and I asked around,
I picked Advanced Bionics, to bring me sound.
In 2001, after all the strife,
It was a new beginning, for my hearing life.
The rain and the birds, are a wonder to hear,
I love this miracle, called the bionic ear.
Mapping Back
I had a mapping on December 16th, 2008. The allergy issue is still present and I was taking medications to control the symptoms when I was mapped that day. Because I was feeling good and my symptoms were under control, my audiologist suggested that I try the map I had before the allergies started to affect my hearing in October. She turned it on and to my surprise and my audi’s too, it sounded good. Good enough to keep. We made some volume adjustments and made that my main map. She then made a crowd noise map from that one for slot 2 and finally for slot 3, she recommended we keep the map we made when my allergy symptoms had flared. I agreed, but I was thinking I probably wouldn’t need it. Ha! To my surprise, I turned it on that very evening. I was relaxing in front of a movie on the TV when the sound became loud and distorted sounding. I was trying to figure out what was going on when I realized that the allergy medication I had taken that day had probably worn off. I was only half way through the movie and irritated that my hearing had changed that much when I remembered I had the other map in slot 3. Switching to the other map made enough of a difference that I was able to enjoy the rest of the movie. This was a better alternative than taking more medication at the end of the day when I would rather not (it sometimes affects my sleep cycle). I was glad I had the map as an option.
I’m not one to switch from map to map very often, but it is nice to have choices when I think of using them. I need to be more thoughtful about controlling my hearing in different situations and hopefully I will be more mindful of my options in the coming year.
Happy New Year!
2 Bionic Ears 